Why your mind rejects what you tell it

You have probably tried it.

You stand in front of the mirror and say "I am confident. I am worthy. I am successful."

Maybe you start your mornings writing it down on paper.

And somewhere inside, a quiet voice answers: no, you're not.

That voice is what this article is about. Once you understand where it comes from, you will understand why so much of what you have tried has not worked, and what does.

Two minds and a filter

Here is the model I use with every client. It is a way of picturing how the mind works, and I find it explains a lot.

Your conscious mind is the part reading this. It thinks, analyses, plans and decides. It is where willpower lives.

Your subconscious mind runs everything you do not have to think about. Your habits, your reactions, your beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of. So much of your day runs from here. You did not think about how to tie your laces this morning, or how to drive to work.

Between them sits a filter. Hypnotists call it the critical faculty. Its job is to check anything new against what you already believe. If it matches, it gets through. If it does not, it gets rejected.

That filter is useful. It stops you believing everything you are told. The problem is that it protects the beliefs that hurt you with exactly the same loyalty as the ones that help you.

Where your beliefs came from

The filter is not fully in place when you are a child. A young child cannot step back and question what they are told. They take what they see and hear as simply true.

There is a physical side to this too. Young children's brains show far more of the slow brainwave activity, known as theta, that adults tend to show only when they are drowsy or deeply relaxed. It is why childhood is often described as the most suggestible time of our lives.

So a remark from a teacher, the way money was talked about at home, what happened the first time you stood out from the group: all of it went in unchallenged. Nobody asked your permission, and you were too young to argue.

The beliefs holding adults back were almost always picked up young, and almost never chosen.

Why affirmations bounce off

Now go back to the mirror.

You say "I am confident." That statement arrives at the filter, which checks it against what is already stored. And what is stored is "I'm not good enough", put there when you were seven.

It does not match, so it is rejected. The "no, you're not" you hear is the filter doing its job.

Willpower runs into the same wall. It is your conscious mind pushing against a subconscious programme. It works while you are concentrating. Then you get tired, stressed or busy, the autopilot takes over, and you are back where you started. That is why you can change for three weeks and then watch it slip away.

None of this makes affirmations worthless. They work well when they match what is underneath. The order is the issue: the old belief has to be dealt with first. I have written about that in Why understanding your problem doesn't fix it.

What hypnosis does differently

In hypnosis you are deeply relaxed and very focused, and in that state the filter relaxes too.

You already know what this is like. When you are absorbed in a good film, you stop analysing. You know it is actors and a script, and your heart still races. The part of you that would normally say "this isn't real" has stepped back.

Hypnosis uses that same state on purpose. With the filter quieter, we can work with a belief directly, where it lives, instead of arguing with it from the outside.

It does not mean you would accept anything. You stay aware throughout, and you would reject a suggestion that went against your values. The filter is resting, and it is still yours.

Why mornings and evenings matter

There are two times of day when your filter is naturally quieter without any help from me: the drowsy minutes just after you wake, and the ones just before you sleep.

That is why I give clients personalised audio to use at those two times. It is also why what you feed your mind first and last thing matters more than you might think. For a lot of people that is a phone, the news and a list of worries.

Three things you can do with this

1. Listen to the reply. Say the positive statement out loud and notice what comes back. "I can charge that." "No you can't, who do you think you are?" The reply is the belief. You have just found what is underneath.
2. Guard the first and last thirty minutes of your day. Whatever goes in then meets the least resistance, so choose it.
3. Stop blaming your discipline. If you have been pushing against a belief with willpower alone, you were always going to tire before it did.

One of my clients, Kieran, described what changed for him:

“I wanted success so badly that I was stopping myself from failing. The hypnosis with Derek helped me see it differently. Now I don't feel threatened by it. I'm actively chasing failure to get the feedback I need. I'm showing up the best I ever have and getting more deals over the line.”

If you want to know what a session is actually like, read What actually happens in a hypnosis session. To see how it all fits together, go to The Rewire Code.